I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
