you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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