She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
