Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
