i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
