This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
