I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
