They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
