if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
pray to the hookup gods
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
