I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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