I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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