My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're like the curious george of whores
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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