woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A+ Viking dick
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
