I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
