too bad you live with your parents still
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
