dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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