so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
