Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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