I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
