I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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