He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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