he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
