Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
