I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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