You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
