I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
