i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
