I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
