so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I puked a lego.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
