his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
