How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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