Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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