i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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