i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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