There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
