Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
