I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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