then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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