Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
