IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
