Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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