So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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