Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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