that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
