tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
