You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
