2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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