I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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