**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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