Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
