Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
