Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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