Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
