Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
