I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
