I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
