I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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