Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I could teleport
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am puke
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
