I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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