found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
