Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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