So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
