I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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