SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
