that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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