You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
