I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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