dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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