did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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