last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
